Before you begin your adventure to find your future spouse, it might be helpful to do a basic heart self-test!
Generally speaking, there are two opinions when it comes to the Catholic single life:
On the one hand, the Apostle Paul tells us that being single is a great good because it allows us to put all our focus and love on God (1 Corinthians 7:25-28). God gives us everything we need, and as Christians, we know that we can find peace and joy in all stages of our lives through connection with our Father in Heaven.
Much of mainstream society also agrees that one can be fulfilled and content without a partner (though, of course, their reasons are very different).
On the other hand, we must not forget that God also created us as people made for relationship and communion, and our desires for a partner are not only NOT selfish, but were deliberately placed in our hearts by God:
“The Lord God thought to himself: It is not good for man to live alone. He should have a helper that is suitable for him!” (Genesis 2:18)
So, we don’t have to suppress the fact that we long for a partner and a family. It doesn’t imply that you are ungrateful or dissatisfied with your life, but rather that you are invited by God to pursue this longing written in your heart.
When relatives, aunts, and your own parents ask again and again if you’ve met someone, it is easy to become impatient and ask whether you’ve made a mistake somewhere along the line, wondering, “Why have I still not found the right person?”
This pressure from society, family, and friends can be counterproductive and can even push us into making bad decisions, so it’s important to discern why you want a partner.
But where is the balance between our own expectations and that of God’s will?
We must learn to recognize our own feelings and emotions and classify them correctly, and then properly distinguish them from God’s movement in our hearts. This will help us to be more confident and relaxed when looking for a partner.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to examine your heart:
- When I think about the dating process and new relationships, do I have a negative outlook (or even dread), or am I looking forward to this adventure?
- How do I pray to God for my future partner? Do I pray that He prepares me?
- What is stopping me from actively looking for a partner? (Fear, bad experiences, pride, etc.)
- Do I care too much about what others think of me? Is this blinding me to what God has in store? Am I closed off from considering possible partners because they don’t fit the vision that others have for me?
Put aside some time to work through this reflection. Ask God to enlighten your mind and heart, and when He speaks, ask for the courage to act.
He will guide you and show you the next steps!
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