In today’s society, more and more people are living the single life. While marriage and family are still desired (and many singles are still seeking partners), in a lot of ways it has become more difficult than ever to find a life-long spouse. That being said, if you are actively looking for a marriage partner, be sure to follow these 7 critical rules:
1) Expand your Circle of Acquaintances to get to know the “right one”
An essential component in your partner search is to expand your circle of acquaintances. Become an event junky and go out regularly! Do parish hopping. Sign up for online marriage and dating sites on the Internet. Etc… But some caution is certainly in order. Do keep in mind that the places you go will also determine the types of people you’ll meet. So go ahead and follow your inclinations and interests when choosing appropriate places to meet new people, but keep your Catholic values front and center (don’t compromise yourself in your search for a spouse).
2) “Openness” to the Unexpected is the right attitude when looking for a partner
How do you approach other people? Don’t fall into the “scanner glasses” trap; anyone who only scans their environment for potential partners often overlooks the essentials of a person. Don’t rule out certain people because of your preconceived and sometimes superficial ideas about who is right for you.
Making friends is also a key to dating. You can learn something from everyone, and you might meet your partner through those new circles. Also, learning to be there in meaningful ways for your new friends will be another way to prepare for the most substantial relationship of your life.
3) Showcase your Inner Attractiveness
The extent to which you enjoy everyday activities, the extent to which life has greater meaning for you (with clear direction and purpose in your life being evident to those around you), and the extent to which you feel positive about yourself, can all contribute to an inner attractiveness that will naturally draw people to you. Are you excited about living life and about the bigger decisions you’ve made? Is that evident to others? If not, you may need to continue to work on this (with a priest, therapist, and/or counselor) while you maintain your search. But remember, other than serious impediments that might force you to put your search on hold, you don’t have to be a perfect person before you set out to find someone. That’s not realistic. We’re all wounded and consequently bring a certain amount of baggage and insecurity into our relationships.
But the core point is that if you are excited about your own life and bring good, holy energy to everyday activities, this will be attractive to others, and potential partners will want to join you on life’s many adventures.
4) Invest in External Attractiveness
It’s no secret: It’s not just inner values that count. As long as you don’t overdo it, it’s not immoral to work on your appearance. It’s important that we invest time, effort and money in our external attractiveness. In addition to the questions “what suits me?” and “what am I wearing at the moment?”, it is also important to consider the following: What attitude or attitudes do I want to express with my clothes? Who am I trying to attract? But be careful: If you focus too much on being “sexy”, you may only attract short-term partners with ulterior motives. This can also distract genuine potential partners from seeing your true self and only focusing on your physical/sexual characteristics. Seek out fashion options that highlight your best physical attributes, but try to maintain a certain amount of “mystery” in terms of what you reveal.
The bottom line is that you should seek out fashion options and styles that highlight your true femininity or masculinity.
5) Get Ready: Prepare for the Responsibilities of marriage and family
If you are looking for a partner, you must first honestly assess yourself. Are you ready to take on big responsibilities? Commit to a long-term relationship? Take care of children?
For some, there is still a long way to go in terms of preparation. Do you have fears you need to overcome? Injuries that need healing? Some things may lie so deep that they first must be discovered. A worthy partner is someone who is at peace with him or herself (with a baseline confidence and an appreciation of one’s own worth) and at the same time (and maybe more importantly) no longer sees him/herself as the most important thing in the universe. You must become a person that lives for others, while seeking out that core characteristic in your partner.
6) Work on your Character for better success in dating and relationships
Whether looking for a partner or whether your partner has already been found: you should always work on your own character and growing in virtue. In order to live and grow old happily with another person, it is important that you both develop a virtuous character. A person of good character is someone who has become accustomed to making wise and good decisions (and as they’ve grown in character, acting virtuously becomes easier and more automatic). One suggestion is to sift through the well-constructed old lists of virtues from the Catholic tradition, especially those that include tips on how to implement them.
7) Loving God’s Ways: Finding a Partner as a Test of Trust
Whoever believes in a Creator believes in a purpose in life. God’s ways are good – even if you only understand them after events take place. When you have found your partner, you will hopefully realize why the duration and seemingly endless detours were a necessary part of the process. Don’t groan and complain as you seek to follow His path (while often being left in the dark as to the outcome). Embrace His Will with determination: Loving God’s ways instead of grouchily carrying your cross should be a guiding principle. This will give you the serenity and fortitude you need to get out there and find a partner for life.
This is a piece written by the staff from our partner dating site in Austria called kathTreff.
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