At some point, everyone has pondered what their dream woman or dream man would be like. However, in order to ensure that that dream does not turn into a nightmare, you have to ask yourself the following question: Who is actually right for me? Some people create a profile of requirements for their dream woman or dream man – right down to a detailed list of points. And while that is not altogether misguided, we encourage you to throw out those qualifications right now! In reality, only the following four criteria are meaningfully important.
Are you looking for your dream man or dream woman? That dream can become reality when the following relationship characteristics are present:
Criterion 1: Being moved by the other
Do I marvel before his or her greatness? Or do I just mean that “I could make something out of him/her?” To stand in amazement before the greatness of the other reaches deeper than admiration and respect. When I stand in amazement before the greatness of the other, he/she has touched me in the depths of my heart. When wonder has been sparked and love can flow (and grow), then we likely fit together.
Criterion 2: Being able to talk to each other
Can we talk? Do we perceive reality in a similar way? When we tell each other something, do we quickly know what the other means? Do we generally get along and mostly find agreement in serious conversations about serious topics? Do we like similar things? Do we like the same movies? Can we laugh together? Can we argue with each other and then make up quickly?
Criterion 3: Treat each other kindly and lovingly
Does she or he respond kindly to my weaknesses and do we allow each other to grow in holiness through mutual support and respect? Unfortunately, there are men and women who like to triumph over their partners when they do something wrong: they feel more desirable and secure when they can lord their “righteousness” over the other. This makes private life a competition that puts us under unhealthy pressure instead of allowing us to grow in virtue along with each other.
Criterion 4: Having common interests, values and attitudes
Do our life plans fit together? Do we share values, visions, and attitudes? Those who walk hand-in-hand should be walking in the same direction. Likewise, a healthy couple should be pushing and pulling together in the same direction when meeting life’s many challenges.
How do we organize our free time and our celebrations? How do we spend our holidays? How often do we see friends or relatives? What do we live for? It is a good sign when the big desires of the heart and the daily routines of life look similar for both people.
Conclusion: A dream woman or man can be sought and found when both are humanly ready for a partnership and when it “clicks” in the right ways.
… and it usually clicks when all four criteria are met. Compromises can be made elsewhere – in appearance, professional life, status, background, origin, etc. The search for the dream woman or dream man is primarily successful when all four criteria are met. Now get out there, and I wish you the best of luck!
www.kathTreff.org is a German-language Catholic dating and marriage site and a partner community of Ave Maria Singles. The founder, Dr. Gudrun Kugler, published her accumulated experiences from seven years of dating in the book “Nobody is an Island. How to Find a Partner for Life” (Pattloch, 2012).
Dr. Gudrun Kugler is the founder of kathTreff, a German-language dating site and partner community of Ave Maria Singles.
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