The Myth of the Soul Mate

The myth of the “one right person” goes back to the philosopher Plato. In his “Symposium” he has the poet Aristophanes explain the origin of the genders: “Spherical people lived on earth, each with four hands and feet and two opposite faces on one head. They were strong and fast and bold – and were dangerous to the gods. As a punishment, Zeus, the father of the gods, cut each of them in half. Since then, both have had a longing to reunite with the other part. This longing is called love. When the loving part… meets his real other half, then they are gripped by wonderful friendship, intimacy, and love, and, to put it briefly, they don’t want to leave each other for a moment.”

At some point in the last few decades, we Westerners fell victim to this 2,400-year-old canard. And suddenly getting married and being married became very complicated. So should you only marry a “soul mate”? Yes, Aristophanes would say. In this construction, the soul mate is the other half of our sphere, and so we’re not complete without him or her. However, best-selling author Gary Thomas gives us a needed reality check from this flawed thinking, and reminds us that we shouldn’t be looking for a soul mate, but rather, for a “sole mate.”

Of course, it’s nice to find a soul mate (even if such a thing only exists in the recesses of our minds). But this is not necessary for a happy relationship. We are not looking for an alter ego but for a companion. A companion doesn’t think, feel, or function like me in everything, but he/she will share everything with me. I’m not looking for a double, but rather for a friend who will walk the path of life with me. At the end of the day, then, we have to become more pragmatic. Otherwise, it could be that we are looking for a phantom, and therefore our search will be in vain.